Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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