I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
