I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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