"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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