i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
