I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
