All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I could fuck to npr.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
