I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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