just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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