Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
