2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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