piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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