At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Randomize
