College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
