Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
