Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
