I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
