their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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