Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
