Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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