I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
