May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
