The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
