absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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