He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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