dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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