whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
