she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
