i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
