in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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