new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
only you would photoshop your dick
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
