Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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