the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
