Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
