I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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