I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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