when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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