Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
