he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
