drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
BRING THE BAGELS
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
