I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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