I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
