so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
