mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
