What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
