I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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