that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
