Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
