70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
