everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
