So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Randomize
