I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
