one two three fourrrrnication!
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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