I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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