I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
